I was going through a book of sayings the other day when, for no good reason, I decided to make up a few of my own.
• Like life and marriage, work sometimes forces you to do things you don’t want to do. Unlike the other two, at least at work you’re getting paid.
• It’s a small world, until you have to drive it. No trip seems as long at the beginning as it does at the end.
• It’s OK for men to think it’s a man’s world, so long as they don’t let their wives know it. Most women I know can handle a serious crisis better than a man, but they’ll lose their minds if their cat has a furball.
• Prom isn’t so much for teenagers as it is for their mothers.
• By the time most teenagers graduate from high school, they know 95 percent of what they need to know to be an adult. It’s that last 5 percent that makes all the difference.
• You’re never too old to learn and never too young to enjoy cake.
• Happiness may not be what you think. Neither is sadness.
• You can never reason with a fanatic, especially if they’re wearing a funny hat.
• Diabetes is not a fun town to live in.
• It’s always better to look up to someone than down on them. Still, I know someone who is so far outside the box, she doesn’t even know there is a box.
• An election is the only time a rich person cares what a poor person thinks. It’s also the only time a poor person willingly gives a rich man his money.
• What’s true is true, what isn’t, isn’t. We need to accept both. Most people want to know the truth, unless it’s something they don’t want to hear. Some people have made a lot of money spreading what isn’t true; they’re called novelists.
• Whether women want to accept it or not, men aren’t as complicated as you try to make us out to be. Trust me, I know.
• You can change the future easily enough. To change the past, you must win a war.
• It’s easier to take a moment and admit to a mistake than spend a lifetime denying it.
• Heaven is a place where we won’t be embarrassed by who we are or what we look like.
The dumbest expression in the world is, “We have time to kill.” Because we don’t. It may not seem like it at times, but every second is precious, so make every day a good one. It’s all we have.